After my husband died, the number one thing I heard was, “Don’t worry, you’re young, you’ll find someone new!”
To be honest it didn’t bother me.
I knew they were probably right.
I had never been on my own for long.
From my parents to my high school sweetheart and then to Jordan, I was unsure of my ability to be on my own.
So that’s what I did. A man my age a few months in caught my eye and made my nights not so lonely.
I justified it as ok because I was no longer crying myself to sleep. I had a nice distraction from the pain.
My friends and family seemed relieved I wasn’t going to be on my own anymore.
I assume their burden was lifted because I had a man to take care of me.
Was it the right thing to do? Probably not.
Did it feel right at the time? Absolutely.
If your reading this shaking your head and judging me, please hit the little red X at the top of your screen.
If you’re still with me, read on.
Anyways it seemed like before I knew it there was an extra toothbrush at my sink and clothes being left on my floor to wash.
I can’t say I was pleased with the way things were going, but I liked him and was too terrified to be alone again to speak up.
A year later I finally grew some lady balls.
After telling him I wanted to break up and him to move out month after month and him sweet talking his way back in.
As hard as it was I packed up his things and had them waiting for him at the door when he got home one night.
To all of the people pushing the idea of moving on and dating again after a huge loss.
Fuck that shit!
Stepping up and making the decision to be alone, is terrifying but it is the most empowering thing I’ve ever done.
I’m going to start dating again, and the person I am going to date is myself.
I’m ready to start living.
Our dreams died with him, but I am going to change that.
It’s time for me to pursue dreams of my own.
I’m going to hire a babysitter and take myself out to the movies and buy myself a drink.
I’m going to spend my evenings diving into self-care and discovering new passions.
I’m not going to waste my life on that damn couch next to a man I don’t truly love just because it’s the easy and comfortable thing to do.
This is for all of you that have hit rock bottom.
Whether it be a break-up, divorce, or like me losing your husband.
Don’t do the easy thing and find a replacement.
I promise if you push yourself into uncomfortable territory, it will be worth the effort.
Take a solo vacation.
Find a hobby.
Join a gym.
Figure out what you truly enjoy and then do it!
Learn how to be alone, and not just survive it but thrive in it.
I have faith for the both of us, that when we learn how to love ourselves, the right man will come along and bring us up even higher.
And in the meantime, let’s enjoy being independent women and build the confidence to love ourselves.
Starting today I will no longer be searching for a man’s company because I will be too busy enjoying my own.