A Realization in the Dreaded Task of Closet Cleaning.

On my last radio appearance, we talked new years, new goals.

Not quite “resolutions” because the word itself seems to imply lofty aspirations and certain failure.

I shared the monthly goal list I work from and how breaking the year down into 12 smaller goals makes it easier for me to find success.

Amy, JJ & I spent some time talking about cleaning closets and both assured me the right way to do it is to empty the entire contents and only put back what you truly wear, love, and use. 

It sounded like a big undertaking. I didn’t have my closet on the list for January, but I also hadn’t decided what my January goal was going to be. 

A few days after that chat, I walked into my closet and looked at Adam’s clothes still hanging there. His uniforms, golf shirts, flannels. His ties, his badge, his bin of socks.

I’ve been working on our closet ever since Adam died.

It is hard for me to simply get rid of his things. Donate or throw.

We used a ton of his t-shirts and old army uniforms for our memorial quilts.

I’ve given friends and family his sweatshirts, shoes, gloves, whatever they might use. This is the easiest way for me to part with Adam’s things, but no one is quite his size.

I’ve continued to purge and shift things around until only one side of our closet still held some items that instantly remind me of him. 

I saw that area of our closet with fresh eyes after our chat. 

I realized with sudden clarity that I left his things hanging there because it made me feel like he was coming back and the time had come to clear Adam's things out of the closet.

I know he is not coming back.

But something about these daily items of his that still hang there let me believe perhaps he’s on a long trip and will return one day.

I’m not getting rid of it all. Moving some items to the office closet and packing others up.  

But it’s time to let my brain take over for my heart that has been wishing he would return.

I’ve spent January cleaning his things out of the closet and the stark bare spots hurt, but are needed.

It was time.