Another End of Watch.

Minnesota lost another law enforcement officer.

It is painful to hear.

That courageous man died on his birthday, though no day is a better day to die than others.

I can feel the chaos and confusion of that day for me.

The shock and white noise flooding my ears.

How can this be?

How can my husband be dead? 

I saw him this morning.

He loaded my golf equipment into his car and insisted I take it. More room.

Put both of our push carts in so I’d have one to loan a friend.

He was so happy for me to be getting out with my girlfriends for our first round of golf.

That was May 2021.

Still feels like yesterday. 

When I see headlines of another fallen officer, I am taken right back to that day.

I think of this officer’s family.

His wife and child, parents, siblings, friends.

How everyone is reeling as their world is turned upside down.

How there will forever be a hole in their hearts they will have to find a way to live with.

There will be a clear division in their lives from this day forward.

Life with their loved one.

Now, life without.

 My heart aches for them. Just starting on this confusing, painful journey.

I’ve got no secrets to pass on. No “how to get through this” advice.

Just many days and months and almost the ability to say years. 

Plural.

Years without my loved one.

Somehow, we’ve done it. But it is not easy.

I wouldn’t want to start those painful days all over again.

Each day I’ve survived now deserves a check mark. Got through one more without Adam.

It’s awful.

But it is possible.

To keep living.

To keep walking.

One day, one step, at a time.