MYTH: Grieving people can’t take more bad news.

I've been looking back at the last year and half of this grief journey and I've noticed a few things. 

Here's one - after my husband died unexpectedly and I became an instant single-parent to our three young kids, people stopped telling me things.

If a friend or someone we knew was going through a difficult time, no one told me. It was like they didn’t want to add to my troubles by sharing the hardship someone else was facing.

After I recognized it happening time and again, I became irritated. Keeping me in the dark prevented me from doing something for people I cared about. I may not always be able to, but I should at least have the option.

When you shield grieving people from the difficulties of others, you rob them of an opportunity to return the kindness they've been shown.

A sure-fire way to get out from under the black cloud of your own grief, even if just for a few moments, is to focus on others. Who can I pray for? Who can I encourage?

If I wasn't in a place to reach out or respond, I wouldn't - so no harm done. And, by being aware, I was at least prevented from sticking my foot in my mouth the next time I saw them.

• "Hey, how’s the wife?" No one mentioned she packed up and left. 
•  "Haven’t seen you at the gym." Unaware of a recent diagnosis or hospitalization.
•  "Where's your dog?" Dead.

It is hard to be on the receiving end of kindness with no way to repay the generosity of others. To discover you have missed opportunities to give comfort because no one wanted to "add to your pain" is not helpful.

My pain is the same amount regardless of the pain someone else is carrying.

Give grieving people a chance to respond. They will if they can.

One of my favorite ways to spread a little beauty in this world is by cutting flowers from my garden, throwing them in a jar and dropping them off with friends. 

It takes no money or serious effort.

It is just a simple way to brighten someone's day.